the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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