You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
