Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
