i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
