Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
