I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
