Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
