my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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