ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
