She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
