so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
