If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
