I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
