My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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