Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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