he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
