I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
