Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
