Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
