I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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