A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
