Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
