After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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