i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
