You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
