the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I did not marry a roomba.
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