i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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