Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
