I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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