I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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