I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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