This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i black out too much to be "responsible"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
