he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
