Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
