Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
