Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
