Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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