I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
