I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
