Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
