Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
