I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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