a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
