I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
