Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
