cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
