So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
