The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
we should paint friendship bongs
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