good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
