i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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