I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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