Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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