and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A+ Viking dick
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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