so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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