I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
