I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
