when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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