You're so nebulous sometimes
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i now understand why vodka
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
