Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
