some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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