Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
