i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
