you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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