i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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