I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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