After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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