Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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