Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
