Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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