Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
