Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
