i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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