I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this just has baby written all over it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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