so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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