Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my sisters under your porch take her home
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
