Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
