the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
