Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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