I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
